"From strangers to friends" with 36 questions to love anyone

With 36 questions in these 4 rounds, you can 'hack your brain' and become close friends with the person you want within a few hours.

The process of building feelings from strangers to friends is often not simple. This requires a lot of patience, understanding and listening. After that arduous process, many people labeled love as "complicated", "blind", "painful", "unexpected".

Can such a complicated category be simplified with a "formula"?

Psychology professor Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University has proven this is possible. "36 questions to love anyone" is the answer of the professor and his colleagues.

According to this study, to bond two strangers, all you need is to sit opposite the person you want to build a relationship with (relative, friend, crush,...), 36 questions and 4 words. minutes of focusing on each other's eyes.

Origin and popularity

In 1967, there was a special research culture in social psychology, which was to delve deeply into topics that people often thought could not be explained by science.

At that time, the topic of love had not been studied much. With the impetus from his close relationship with his life partner and collaborator, Elaine Aron, Professor Arthur Aron decided to choose love as the topic of his life's research.

Thirty years later, the two published research on "the process of creating closeness", which is also the 36 questions that help people connect emotionally today. However, by 2015 when the 36 questions When this question was mentioned in the Modern Love section of the New York Times, their research truly became famous.

How do these questions help bring people closer together?

– The questions are self-discovery with an increased level of privacy, thereby encouraging both parties to more freely open up to each other.

– The act of asking itself is a way of showing interest in others.

– Asking open-ended questions, tapping into the depth of the soul, requires respondents to think and reflect on themselves. The answers given are what they really want others to understand.

In short, the questionnaire focuses on strengthening care, understanding, and intimacy. These are the three fundamental elements of developing a relationship.

The 36 questions are:
Round 1

1. If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would it be?
2. Do you like being famous? And how do you like to be famous?
3. Before calling someone, do you think over what you are going to say? Why?
4. What makes a perfect day for you?
5. When was the last time you hummed to yourself? When was the last time you sang for someone else?
6. Let's say you can live to be 90 years old. In the remaining 60 years of your life, would you choose to maintain your 30-year-old looks or your 30-year-old intelligence?
7. Do you have a secret premonition about your death?
8. List 3 things that seem to be common between you and your audience.
9. What do you feel most grateful for in life?
10. If you could change the way you were raised as a child, how would you change?
11. Spend about 4 minutes telling your life story, in as much detail as possible.
12. If you woke up tomorrow morning and were given one characteristic or ability, what would it be?

Round 2

13. If you had a crystal ball that told you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Have you dreamed of doing something for a long time? Why haven't you done that yet?
15. What is the greatest achievement of your life?
16. What do you value most in friendship?
17. What is your most precious memory?
18. What about your worst memory?
19. If you knew that within a year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about your current lifestyle? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What is the role of love in particular and affection in general in your life?
22. Take turns sharing 5 positive aspects of each other according to each other's thoughts and feelings.
23. How close and cozy is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than others?
24. How do you feel your relationship with your mother is?

Round 3

25. Make 3 sentences stating a truth with the subject being "we". For example: “We are all in this room and feel…”
26. Complete the following sentence: “I wish there was someone I could share it with…”
27. If you intend to become close friends with your partner, share something important that he/she needs to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; Be as honest as possible – things you wouldn't normally say to someone you just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing memory from your life.
30. When was the last time you cried in front of others? What about when you cry alone?
31. Tell your partner about something you like about them.
32. Considering all the issues, which one do you find is so serious that it cannot be joked about?
33. If you had to leave this world tonight but had no chance to contact anyone, what would you regret the most? Why haven't you said that before?
34. The house with all the belongings you own is engulfed in fire. After saving all your relatives and pets, you still have enough time to go inside and save one more item. Which item will you save? Why?
35. Of all your family members, whose death upset you the most? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask the other person's opinion on how to solve it. Additionally, ask the other person to respond to their feelings about your attitude/emotions toward the issue you choose.

Final

Both of you spend about 4 minutes without talking and looking into each other's eyes.

You can visit the website to experience the interface for more convenient interaction.

Are the effects of these questions permanent or temporary?

These 36 questions became a phenomenon, netizens in the US discussed its satisfactory results everywhere, from columns in the New York Times, discussions on Reddit, even articles and articles. Experience videos on YouTube.

“There hasn't been much research on its long-term effectiveness. After completing the whole process, testers reported feeling much closer to their partner, but whether this will last or not we don't know yet.” — Professor Arthur Aron shared.

According to the professor, there are four main factors that make a relationship stressful: the deteriorating health status of one of the partners, the stress of life events (such as losing a child), the relationship Unsatisfactory interactions with relatives and friends, and lack of communication skills between the two. Keeping these factors in balance is the way to make the relationship more sustainable.

In addition, there are some other ways you can try to prolong your relationship. For example, regularly do interesting and new things with your partner to keep the passionate love between both of you.

Another important thing is sharing. Being there for your lover or partner when they are having difficulties is of course important, but sharing joy with them is equally necessary to help the relationship be long-lasting and healthy.